Keep on Going.... February 19 2015, 0 Comments

I get that this is a paint blog, somewhere you can go to get knowledge on products and techniques. I get that this is a business site in which you can rely on for you product inspiration and advice. But on the same level this is a blog run by an individual who through her many talents and roles, has been given the biggest challenge of her life. 

I have been blessed by a wonderful family.  When most of us hear this we think about all the materials things that someone has received or the easiness of life that has been handed. In my situation it has been the oppositie. I thank GOD for adversity, pain and headache that goes along with seeing life first hand.   

I have been through a lot in my short being. I have been on the other side of a jail glass talking to a parent, I have been marched in front of a judge to show a Mother's love and I have been on the other end of the room when the news comes in regarding an accident that occurs due to a parent's alcoholism. 

It's been one month, it's been exactly 31 days. The date, January 19, 2015, has become the most pivotal moment of my life.  My existence, my entire presence has been altered.  My life as I know it has become a mere point of inflection for which I don't know that I see anything back. My role as a Mother, wife, daughter, sister and co-worker has become more than a challenge.

On January 19th my life went to a screeching halt.  On that day I learned everything about myself that I have never wanted to know. On that day I left my childhood behind. On that day, at the age of 33, I became an adult. On January 19, 2015, I lost my Dad.

It becomes a sad reality when you know that you will never hear "that's my girl" again.  It becomes a hard reality to know that you will never look into your own eyes again, because that was the individual who you got yours from.  Most of all it becomes the reality that you know your hero, your first love will never be there again in presence...

In the weeks passing my Dad's death I have searched and searched for answers or at a minimum a  common ground, sadly, I have not found much.  I have scowered the internet hoping for an article or something to help relate to the pain and have come up short. I was at a minimum hoping for some similar shouts of pain, unfortunately there was not much offered. After much thought this deeply saddens me as I know by far I am not the only one feeling this pain, I certainly have not been the only one to feel this way!

So in light of a broken heart, I offer up this terribly writer blog article (writing has never been my strenght!!)

Nobody ever prepared me for the loss of a loved one. Nobody ever told me how hard it would be to lose a parent. Nobody told me that I would cry more hours than were in a day. Nobody shared with me that after the three days of bereavement that I might need more. AND most certainly nobody share with me that when you lay a loved one to rest that you lay a piece of yourself next to them. 

Losing a loved one is not easy, it is not something that you can ever prepare for.  Whether it was expected or not, you can never totally grasps the reality that a part of you is gone, until you actually feel it.  Cliché statements become so real it’s practically embarrassing.  Your surroundings become filled with thoughts of you loss.  Your strongest partners become, simply, a part of your environment. Why? Because you now know they are not a guarantee. Getting though each day becomes a challenge. The gain is knowing or having the hope that they are there.  

I am just one month into my loss and I have been hopeful that when I wake each day I will find comfort, I have not yet, but understand it will come in time. I have been blessed by friends and family who have comforted me, helping me know it's ok.  I have learned in a short amount of time that someones existance makes such a overwhelming impact of your life. I know now to cherish it.